Gloomy, unpredictable... and destructive

And my week is already full of totally RANDOM shit.
Yesterday I get a text from someone I figured would just delete my number when I turned around... hmm mmm... Mr. Hot stuff from Thanksgiving... it wasn't for me... but I figure... well hot damn he still has my number ;). Tripped me out, TOTALLY wasn't expecting that. I saw it was him and was like holy shit... I don't even care if the text wasn't meant for me HA!
Today... my phone rings... and it's an old number that I haven't seen in forever. So I answer and spend an hour on the phone with Matt... Even talked to his mom, it was actually a really fun conversation, complete with some reminiscing. I would have went over to see him if he brought his BMW Ha! I'm to the point where I can be his friend, part of me will never forgive or forget what he did to me, and I must admit part of me still cares, but I can be civil and a friend, especially after all we've been through and since I have respect for what he's doing for my country in the Army.


I LOVE the randomness that is my life...

I applied for my passport... another step in the Italy stage of my life. And on the way home... I was behind a semi truck that had ITALIA plastered all over it... talk about irony. I'm taking it as a sign =).
 

Hanging out on MySpace, saw that I got a message, thought it would be this guy that ALWAYS sends me msgs, but I finally blew off not 5 minutes before...
Instead it's this girl... who complimented my look, was very nice to me... and also said she likes to live as a girl... I just made a friend with a transvestite... now that's a first.
I'm always up for making new friends =).
She's talking about coming to LA, shopping at MAC, then clubbing and finding some boys... I love it...

Another first that's happened in this whirlwind year...

New Years Eve is going to be the shit... finally have a bunch of people going... I'm so excited.

I love Tuesdays... Criss Angel is fucking sexy. I can't help it, he's even hotter in the newer episodes with the shorter hair. He blows my mind too... some of the shit he does... how the Hell do you hypnotize a chicken? WTF? Dear god he's so hot...

Moving on...

I'm really excited to go to Monster Massive and enjoy myself without having to check in every hour. I hate being smothered and irrationally worried about, if I'm not back in the morning then you can worry. Oi... it's like I'm out of a cage.
I'm bringing the Bat Girl costume back... 1) I'm cheap, 2) The booty shorts are for Armin ;).

I'm really trying to get farther at work, working more and making the Manager position. She offered to pay for more school, so I'm looking into a bachelor's in Natural Health... hopefully, I'll probably have a little extra work to do since my Associates is in Photography.
I'm keeping Photography with me too, I know I have an eye for it, and it's such a welcome release from reality to enjoy what the world has to offer me visually. And I know now I can't just wait for someone to find me, gotta get my ass out there. I can only bring so much to me and try so hard while I'm sitting on my ass... doesn't work that way.
I've fallen away from my religion a little too, and I'm finding my way back now. She's brought me back on the path to finding her and myself. It's been a wonderful experience.

Life is good!

Strange how things fall into place...
To wake up and see his face was beyond words.
And now I know what was missing with someone else so long ago.
Love is strength and the perfect weakness and vunerability... never a burden.
It's encouragement and where words falter.
It all makes sense now.
I've fallen in love with him over and over again everyday since he's been home. I didn't know that was possible.

wo0t! for birthdays and Ferry Corsten!

I'm so emotionally drained I'm ready to throw in the towel. No matter how positive I am I get absolutely nowhere.
I'm not directly involved in a certain situation and I can't bring myself to be happy about it and it's affecting me.
My ex is now married and it's bothering me too. Maybe I'm upset in a malicious way... wanting him to be as miserable as possible, me wanting the last laugh and rubbing my amazing relationship in his face. Either way... It's bugging me and I hate the fact that it's bugging me. She's stupid enough to marry that cheating son of a bitch. The girlfriend before her was way cuter. Oh well... not my problem... so I dunno why I'm so burnt out on it... FUCK.
Try to kill you but that part of me can never die...
A personal situation is the most draining. I've tried so hard to be strong, to be motivating... but it's zapping whatever sanity I have left. Sometimes it's easier to let the negativity take over. Thank god this is almost over... I didn't know it would hurt so bad. Not everyone would be as loyal as me... especially after such a short time. I've sacrificed so much... and it still doesn't seem like enough... even though I don't even have to sacrifice in the first place. This sucks... I wish I could sleep until it was over... then I wouldn't feel this way, feel angry, and feel bad for feeling this way.

Just shoot me...